Why even go?

I got to enjoy a great time at the K-State vs. Texas basketball game tonight with my brother. We always enjoy the opportunity to go to games together and generally wish we could do it more often. It was a great victory for the Wildcats and the game really wasn't very close at any point. We were up by 10 five minutes in to the game and it didn't get any closer as the night went on. Sometime during the 4th quarter I looked around and was bothered by something that has become one of my many pet peeves. If people aren't going to stay throughout the game, why even go?

I know things come up and people have to leave and I am not at all talking about those people. I am talking about the rest of fans. Before all the K-State haters jump on the bandwagon, don't even try to make this a K-State issue. It is not! It is an all sports issue and happens at all levels. Sadly it even happens at non-sporting events. If the game is REALLY close, people will generally stick it out until the last possible moment to bolt out of the stands and rush to their cars to wait in line for the next hour. If you are going to have to wait anyways, why the rush to leave?

I cannot imagine the frustration of those involved in the event when they look up at the end and the stands are half empty. Is it all because people want to beat the crowd? Maybe it is my frugal nature, but I feel if I spent all that money on a ticket, I am going to get my monies worth! Why would I pay $25, $40, $75, $100+ plus for a ticket and leave after 3/4 of the game is over? What a tremendous waste! To me the bigger issue is I view it as disrespectful. It is disrespectful to me as a fan that I have to look around you, move, or dodge the exiting crowd because you suddenly have more important things to do. More than that, it is tremendously disrespectful to the teams and all of those involved.

It has become a lose/lose situation. If your team is terrible and the game is statistically over at halftime a huge chunk of people won't stick around to support them. If the team is great and they are beating the opposing team to a pulp, people won't stick around. So what is a team to do? I grew up a Cubs fan, a Royals fan, and a K-State fan. I have learned to support some of the lousiest teams in history. This season I enjoyed season football tickets to K-State with my brother. It was one of the best seasons in KSU history. From what I observed from fans, there really isn't much difference in the end of the game support. Sure, when you have winning teams more people come to the games, but they don't stick around until the end no matter what.

I'll save my rantings about conduct at games for another day. For today I just question, if you aren't going to stay until the end, why even go?

Isn't Technology Great?!?!?!?!

As most people know, my "home" is in the Kansas City metro area, but I live and work all week in Manhattan, KS which is about 2 hours away from my home. That means, 5 days a week I don't get to tuck in my kids, kiss them good night, or provide any direct support to my wife. Sadly, I don't get to tuck her in or kiss her good night either!

I am thankful that we are in the 21st century and that there are many other ways in which I can stay connected to my family. I am thankful for cell phones, Facebook, and Skype! Kelly and I generally talk a couple of times per day, I "stalk" her on Facebook, and the four of us Skype each night right before the kids go to bed. The kids are always genuinely excited to see me, but they are only 4 and 6. The excitement is gone two minutes into the conversation and they are ready to move on. Sadly, it just isn't the same. Unfortunately, tonight was one of those nights when it just didn't work. The weather is not the best here and it isn't the best there either. So, the call quality stunk and cut us off much quicker than normal.

I realize it is a small thing. I know I am not in the military, stationed halfway around the world and only able to talk on occasion when the timing is right for everyone. But, it still doesn't make it any easier. Because of circumstances, mostly out of our control, we have spent a lot of time apart in the last several years. No amount of technology makes up for being home every day and "experiencing" everything that is family life.

In a recent trip to the Hoover Dam we learned about the people that built the dam. It was constructed during the Great Depression. The men building the dam came from all over the country, worked seven days per week, and only got 2 days per YEAR off. They worked this schedule for 3 years! Those men didn't see their family either. Many of those men left directly from building the dam into the service for World War 2 where they were apart from their families for several more years. I cannot imagine going a 5-10 year stretch without seeing my family!

In the end, I am thankful that I wasn't around during those tough times. I will take the really slow connection from Skype and be thankful that I got to see my family at all. It's not the same as being there, but it is a far cry from the old days!

The Value of Family

For those that know me even somewhat well, you know that family is very important to me. Something about going through the ringer together has brought our small family together to be a pretty tight unit. We have lived apart more than together in the last 4 years and are hanging in there, so we must be doing something right.

Outside of the four people that live in my house though, I continue to appreciate the value of family as a whole. While living in the Junction City/Milford area, we enjoyed frequent interactions and visits from my family that lived in that area. My parents were hermits, but they always enjoyed when we went to visit them and always had a good time on the rare occasion when they came to visit us as well. I have always had a good relationship with my brother and really enjoyed the years that we lived close to each other. My kids always looked forward to visits from their Uncle Don and Aunt T! Today is no different. While we didn't visit them as much when we lived there, my sister Val and her family were some of our most frequent visitors during the lowest points of our lives. For some silly reason, they have even subjected themselves to having me as a "roommate" for more than a year while I work in Manhattan, but keep my home base in KC. My oldest sister Lorry has always lived the furthest away and the visits have always been a little less frequent. Sadly, the effort has been that great on my part to remedy that in the past. It is one of my 2013 goals to make some visits to Hutchinson and reconnect in a better way to that part of my family. It was a sad realization for me, when both my parents past away, that my kids would likely never have any memories of them. I do not have any memories of my grandparents. Three of them were dead before I was born and the only grandma I met died by the time I was five. Sadly, I just don't have any memories of her.

The differences between Kelly's family and mine have always intrigued me. Her parents were the first ones to the hospital when Elise was born and they lived 2+ hours away! I always chided my parents that it was because my parents were old hat at this grandparent thing. Kelly's parents have always been more involved. I used to drive Kelly's mom nuts giving her a hard time about that and I am positive that she went years thinking I wished they would just stay home. That couldn't have been further from the truth then, and certainly is far from the truth today as well. I am thrilled for Abby and Elise that they get to have so much interaction with their grandparents and that Kelly's parents are so active in their lives. I know that Abby and Elise will grow to cherish those memories for the rest of their lives. For most of Abby's life her Aunt Bri and her son Keegan lived and grandma and grandpa's house. That was just how it way. Going to Grandma's house also meant going to see Aunt Bri, but probably more important going to see her cousin Keegan! I have also always been intrigued by how my kids react to their Uncle Jeff. Until the past year, the didn't get to see him quite as often as the others, but nobody made them laugh more than their "crazy Uncle Jeff".

Being significantly younger (hahaha they will like that) than my siblings, the family dynamic was much different for me than it was for them. There were not many road trips back to Indiana to see our extended family and there are many in my family that I never even met at all. It is truly sad how time and distance keeps us from nurturing those family relationships that span the generations. My first trip to Michigan to visit Kelly's family was one of the most overwhelming experiences in my life. I am positive they have about 1,000 people in their family and all but 4 of them were able to make it to the family gathering. We have been together 18 years and I still couldn't place half of them if I had to. Each year at Christmas I have to ask "who are these people again?" I enjoyed our many trips to Michigan in our "pre-kid" days when we got to make the rounds to her extended family and I could actually put some faces to names. Maybe one day I will be better at the family name thing.

Recently my Uncle Ed and his two sons came to Kansas to pay their respects after my father passed away. They are almost the only extended family I have ever known during my lifetime and I have always cherished the times to get together. Sadly, that isn't as often as any of us would like either. It is always amazing to me, no matter how long it has been, how easily you can pick right back up where you left off with family. I am thankful for the people that live within the four walls of my house, but most of all, I am thankful for the many people all over the country that make up our extended family. They have been a huge support to us during our darkest hours and have been some of our biggest fans when all is going well. Take some time to tell you family how much you appreciate them. For my own family........thanks.

Going Outside of What is Comfortable

In January of 2012, I was given a project at work that would transform the way I thought about other cultures and bring me face to face with some truly amazing people. I was brought in to coordinate a summer International program that has ballooned beyond what many could even imagine. KSU was part of an agreement to bring a group of teachers from Ecuador to the U.S. to improve their English language skills and gain certification in Teaching English as a Second Language. It truly is a great program.

What impacts me the most with these "students" is all that they are sacrificing for this opportunity to improve themselves, to improve life for their family, and to better serve their country. The students in the program are current teachers in Ecuador and have ranged in age from 22 - 62 years old! The initial group was at KSU for 3 months. They learned they were accepted to the program, fulfilled all of their visa paperwork requirements, and were on the ground in Manhattan all within a 3 week time period! Many of them said goodbye to their children, walked away from their jobs, and left behind their lives all for the reasons I mentioned above. They do not work on the same school year system that the majority of schools in the U.S. use. Most of them left their teaching positions during the school year with hopes of getting a new job when they returned. Meaning, while they were away, they were not earning any money!

In August, a new group came to KSU and those students are here through the middle of May. That is 9 months they have left their lives behind in another country, their children to be raised by their spouse or their grandparents, and 9 months that they are not earning a salary! Just a couple of weeks ago, yet another group has come to the U.S. to be part of the same program. It is truly amazing to me the number of people that are literally sacrificing everything in their adult life to be a part of something that they believe will transform their country.

My buddy Elio Galarza and his roommate Alexis Izquierdo at the football game.

I am not coordinating the program any longer, but I have enjoyed participating in the "International Buddies Program" and have been assigned a buddy for this school year. It has been great to get to know one of the students a little more in depth, learn about his culture, and show him some of the great things about our culture here in the U.S. It was a highlight for me to take my buddy and one of his roommates to a KSU football game in the fall. They are huge football (we call it soccer) fans back in Ecuador, but knew very little about American football. I think they loved the experience. I was most impressed that they even researched the rules of the game and some information about both teams before going to the game. I was also impressed with the people around me who talked with them about the game and even offered them warmer clothes as the night got colder and they realized they were ill prepared! Being part of this program is transforming their lives in unbelievable ways, and at the same time they are often teaching us more than we are teaching them.


I truly cannot imagine leaving my life and family behind and sacrificing everything like these students have done. The goal of transitioning their country from a developing nation to a developed country is something that all want to be a part of. In the U.S. we take almost everything for granted. Most of us despise taking trips to Wal-Mart never even considering how lucky we are to have so many resources at our disposal. We take for granted the many "necessities" of life that most cultures don't even know exist. This experience has given me a greater appreciation for our founding fathers who left their lives behind to come to America in search of freedom. Over this weekend I hope you can find time to appreciate the freedoms we have as Americans and take notice of all the little things we take for granted on a daily basis. I know I will!

Take Time to Get Disconnected

When walking into a men's restroom today I was reminded of one of my biggest pet peeves in the world. Why is it that we have to be so connected to everything in society at all times. I was at a local establishment for lunch, walked in to the restroom, and there stood another gentleman at the urinal with headphones on listening to something really important. At every "nice" hotel I have stayed at in the past year there has been a telephone in the bathroom. Why???? Is there really anyone that important? President's of powerful nations and CEO's of about any company have assistants that can handle most matters. Can a person not even get two minutes of peace?

At what point did we determine that we were so important that we must be reached at all times? Twelve years ago, Kelly and I went on our honeymoon to a remote cabin, owned by one of her family members, along Lake Huron in Michigan. There was no phone, no Internet, no television, and only a 1960's record player in the house. It was the most relaxing time I can remember in my life! At that point in our life, we probably didn't even have cell phones. I can tell you, if we did, they likely didn't work in that part of the state. Today, that would be "unacceptable customer service". We enjoyed time on the beach, laying in the sun, grilling on the back deck overlooking the lake, and never once did someone "need" us. We called our home every 2-3 days, using a pay phone, to check our voice mail messages to see if anything urgent had taken place.

We learned during one of those calls that I had made a mistake in our checkbook and accidentally listed something as a deposit rather than a payment. It was a rather big error. Our bank called us to let us know we were in bad shape. I returned their call, we talked through our account, I realized my mistake, and the bank said, "Don't worry about it. We will cover you until you get home then we will get this straightened out." A couple weeks later, when we returned home, we visited the bank, got our problem sorted out and there was very little harm done. There was no vacation stress, no need to research everything online, or be on the phone for hours determining how to make this right. Was it really an emergency? We didn't think so, and the bank didn't either.

I see the value in cell phones. I have gone through a child being deathly ill. Kelly lost her Grandmother when we were returning from North Dakota and we didn't learn until later that evening when we arrived at a hotel and checked in. I lost my father this summer while I was on vacation in Michigan. I don't think the sense of sadness was any less for Kelly learning that her grandmother has passed away earlier that day than there was for me learning that my father had just passed away a few minutes ago. In the long run, did it matter if it took a couple of minutes or a couple of hours to reach me?

When I used to run the C.L. Hoover Opera House, I carried a work provided Blackberry. I actually liked that thing, but the problem was I was always expected to be available. If an e-mail wasn't answered at 10pm, or a response wasn't given within a few minutes during the daytime, there was always someone that had to be answered to. Shortly before losing that job, our family went on vacation. It was obvious the end was near for that position, and there was nothing I could do to save it. I told my closest co-workers to call me if they needed anything and I would check my phone once per day. I turned off the e-mail feature and "disconnected" from work. It was one of the most liberating experiences I can remember. What if I had spent my whole vacation answering e-mails and phone calls only to lose my job upon return? I'll never have to worry about that. I chose to be disconnected. This year, the week between Christmas and New Year's my office was closed. I took that time to step away from the computer completely. Most days I didn't even turn on my computer. I didn't check my personal e-mail, I only checked work e-mail once and that was because a task was due, and I didn't even check Facebook every day! Unheard of!!! That was another of the most relaxing times that I can remember.

If you have traveled in the past couple of years you have seen the droves of people on their laptops, iPads, and cell phones doing business until the last possible moment and throughout the flight. While recently delayed on a flight, I even witnessed an irate passenger trying to book a different flight on his phone while we were sitting delayed at the gate. Eventually he got so mad he just got off the plane. He didn't have an emergency, he just wanted to get home! If you have attended a conference you might have been amazed at all of the people posting to social media about the event, or even playing solitaire while the keynote speaker is addressing the crowd! Don't even get me started about watching TV and the non-stop ads at the bottom of the screen or the scrolling bar at the bottom of every sporting event. I miss the days when I had to wait until they showed score updates every 20 minutes!

It is hard to disconnect in our fast paced society. It is hard to turn your phone off and be unavailable or to leave your computer alone and not return e-mails or check Facebook. Today, I finally stepped into the world of smartphones. I can only hope that I can heed my own advice and remember to disconnect. You don't just owe it to those that love you. You owe it to yourself too!

One of Life's Simple Pleasures

I'm not sure about all of you, but I believe riding a carousel is one of life's simple pleasures. Why is that? Going around in the same slow circle to the cheesy canned music, riding some mythical creature is generally not something that would pique my interest at all. But for some reason, the carousel is different.

I can't remember the first time I rode a carousel, or even doing it many times as a child. But, I have made up for it the past 6 years of my life. Elise has always loved riding the carousel. It turns out, Abby does as well. During Elise's "Make a Wish" trip in October of 2011, the girls got to ride the carousel to their hearts content. On the grounds of Give Kids the World Village, where all "Wish " kids stay, was an accessible carousel open each day from 8am to 10pm (or something like that). Kids could ride the carousel before breakfast, during breakfast, after breakfast, before bed, etc., etc., etc. There was no cost and there was nobody telling you that you only got one turn and would have to come back later. Being open such long hours meant there was never a line. The carousel was such a simple thing that brought smiles to thousands of people. There truly is something magical about watching kids, or adults, experience something that they are not always able to. Seeing the kids in wheelchairs and those barely strong enough to even sit up straight have huge smiles on their faces are reason enough to volunteer to work in a place like that.

As I watched my kids on the carousel today, I realized it is not any different for them no matter what part of the country we are in. They have ridden a carousel in several states and never want to pass up the opportunity to ride when they see one. Whether you are young, or young at heart, you should find time to stop by your nearest carousel. You won''t regret it.

We Call it Dinner

We are gathered around a nicely set table with perfectly placed settings for 4 people, candles in the middle, glasses full of milk and water for drinks, and ready to enjoy a peaceful meal together. This is something I saw on TV recently. This isn't how it is at my house! In reality we have all of our stuff pushed as far as possible to one end of the table, we have used place mats in years, drinks better never get near the reach of Elise, and there is very little "peace" at dinner. I wouldn't say we like it that way, but we have gotten used to it.

Elise doesn't each much by mouth and instead relies 100% on nutrition from a food pump and tube. We like to say, "She eats for sport." On a great day, she might eat 4 pretzels at a meal. Most days, she eats nothing.

Most days at dinner, life looks something like this.

One of the effects of cancer treatment is that Elise lost her sense of self control for things that are dangerous and messy. It is HILARIOUS to her if you leave your drink within her grasp. Within 2 seconds it will be dumped on the table or dumped on the floor. The same for your food. Sometimes she will just stick her hand in it and use it as mouse for her hair or as an accessory to her outfit. We are well versed at this in our family. It has even been months since our 4 year old Abby has fallen pray to Elise's long arms. She has learned how to defend her territory.

Once we have "secured the perimeter" and are settled in to eat, then a new problem arises. Seizures. Elise has Myoclonic and Drop Seizures. Myoclonic seizures generally last 2-3 seconds only. If you have ever been asleep and woke yourself up with a quick "jerk" or "twitch" those are generally termed Myoclonic Jerks. They are a close cousin to the Myoclonic seizure. Drop seizures generally last 1-2 seconds and just how they sound. Elise will go from a full standing or sitting position to on the ground in that 1-2 second time span. The seizure is generally over before she hits the ground. At meal times in particular, Elise has clusters of those seizures (generally 75-100 of them). With those generally comes our daily visitor, puke! For some reason, seizures make Elise yak. I would venture to guess that nobody reading this is comfortable eating dinner with one hand and holding a puke bucket for your child? We have all mastered that ability. Abby even asked for seconds as this was taking place tonight. Once Elise is finished, she frequently will fall asleep at the table. That is what you see in the picture above. She isn't much company, but it finally becomes peaceful.

One of the strangest phenomenons for me, is that Elise can generally "turn this off" when we are with other people. Maybe it is because we aren't as entertaining. Very rarely to people we spend time with get to experience a full blown Elise puke fest and a huge cluster of seizures. She saves that for those that love her most! Any times Elise is sitting still for a prolonged period of time, there is likely to be a seizure cluster and an appearance by the puke bucket. It makes car rides, plane rides, and meals lots of fun for everyone!

If we ever come to visit your house for a meal, feel free to hold the pretty place settings, good China, and glasses nicely placed on the table. They will likely just end up pushed to one end of the table and replaced by a bucket anyways. So, who's ready to host the Ballard's?????