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| One of my favorite pics of my mom. |
Last night I said to Kelly, most of the characteristics you love about me came from my mom. And, how true that is. I only wish I could have gotten around to some of those characteristics sooner. My mom was a caring soul. She devoted her career with the State of Kansas to helping others in whatever way she could. She worked with clients that were struggling financially, physically, and emotionally and was always an advocate for taking care of those less fortunate in our society.
Even if she only met you once in passing, she cared about you. She could get away with it because she was an "old lady". But today, many would even say she would stalk you! She was likely to call someone up out of the blue, someone that she barely even knew, and would talk with them about how they were doing. She would just say, "you have been on my mind lately and I wondered how you were doing." That was just who she was.
She sat through countless baseball tournaments, softball tournaments, bowling tournaments, music concerts, and various school programs. When I was growing up she didn't miss a thing. Even when I went to college she would make the trek to come and watch me perform at whatever event was taking place.
Fishing was my dad's thing, but mom had the skills! She didn't always go out fishing with us, but when she did, she always caught the most fish. And, she was old school too. She didn't need anybody to bait her hook or take the fish off the line either. If she was going to catch the most fish, the least she could do was take care of herself right? And, she always did that with a smile on her face and razzing my dad about fishing the whole time. Then when we got home, she would spend hours at the kitchen sink cleaning the fish. Yeah, you read that right, she would clean the fish right there in the kitchen sink. It would stink up the whole house and there would be fish scales all over the floor, but that's where she did it. She was going to clean it up anyways, so what did it matter?
One of my best Christmas memories has to do with something she "made me" do when I was a high school kid. The nursing home was an important place to her and it was important that the people there be treated with dignity and know that they are not forgotten. One year she thought it would be great if we (turned out to be her and I, my dad couldn't be bothered with the idea) went to the nursing home with gifts for those that either did not have family or wouldn't be visited by family that year. She contacted the nursing home, learned the names of the people that fit this description, and got a list of things that they needed. We went shopping, wrapped those gifts, and took them to the nursing home the next day. I thought we were just going to drop the gifts off at the front desk. I was cool with that. It turns out, she wanted to meet with each of them face to face. Several of them were in extremely bad health or had lost their mental capacities all together. She didn't care about that, they still deserved to be talked to like anyone else. So we sat with them while they opened their gifts, or we opened the gifts for them. While this was very awkward for me as a high school kid it certainly helped me to see the importance of treating these people with respect. Integrity was everything. They didn't know we were coming, they were not expecting anything, and we weren't obligated to do anything specific. But, she taught me to do it anyways. That is a lesson that is most vivid in my mind when I think of my mom.
Up until Elise was diagnosed with cancer my mom and I spoke every day on the phone. It slowed down a little bit while we were immersed in treatment and traveling back and forth. But, I don't think it ever went past three days. Usually the conversations weren't long, and she wished there was more she could do, but it was important to check in. She was always good for a long conversation about nothing to keep me awake during my frequent drives between Kansas City and Junction City. As I commute to work between KC and Manhattan now I still think about calling her every time I get in the car. Turning the radio up really loud and putting the windows down on the highway just isn't the same, although she was known to do that as well.
I was very fortunate to spend some quality time with her the week before she passed away. She was experiencing some strange issues with her heart and her overall health had her extremely concerned. She ended up in KU Medical Center which was only about 10 minutes from my house. For several days I sat with her all day and most of the evening and talked about all sorts of things. It was more than we were able to talk face to face for the two years prior to that. After much prayer and conversation she decided to do "nothing" about her heart issues. She didn't want to do surgery that may end up with her losing her life in the operating room, she just wanted to go home. Once she had spoken with everyone and felt she had their "blessing" she was at peace. As I helped load her in the van to leave KC when she was discharged she had a smile on her face and plenty of funny things to say. It was a good day. When I went home to Kelly I told her, "I don't think I will see her alive again." Four days later she was gone. I was blessed to have the time with her that I did.
The memories she left behind are ones that I will always cherish. She loved well, was caring about everyone, and wanted with all of her being to see the best in people. I can only hope to carry on her legacy in the same manner. I miss her every day, but I know that she is present in every part of who I am today. I hope that everyone has such a positive role model in their life as my mom was in mine.
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