On Thursday afternoon we were walking in downtown Lawrence. Between a couple of buildings a homeless man sat on a wall with a sign asking for help. To be honest, I didn't even look at it that closely at the time. Kelly and Abby were walking together a little ways behind Elise and I. As they approached Abby asked, "Why is that man holding a sign?" Kelly responded that he was looking for some help. Abby then asked, "What does he want" to which Kelly told her that she didn't know as she hadn't really read his sign. Finally, Abby asked, "Can we help him?" Being caught so off guard she responded, "We're not going to do that today." Luckily, that was the end of the conversation. But, certainly not the end of the guilty feeling. We didn't have anything on us to give him at the time so we continued on our way, but Abby's unintended point was certainly well made. We probably could have helped him in some way. I didn't know this conversation had taken place until some time later, but obviously the innocence of her question had a lasting impact.
This very issue cuts to the core of a personal issue that I have struggled with for several years. For the most part, I rarely encountered homeless people growing up. Except for the times I visited really large metropolitan areas, I just never had the opportunity. Like many, I bought into some popular culture beliefs that the homeless people I encountered were all drunks that ended up in their situation by making a string of bad decisions. If I gave them any money it would probably go toward their next bottle or drug fix. For some that may be true, but it is certainly unrealistic to say that is the case for all.
When Elise was spending a large amount of time at Children's Mercy Hospital we often drove by a very active panhandling corner and area for homeless people. Every day I hoped that the light would stay green and I wouldn't have to sit at the corner and look at the homeless person knowing that I had no intention of helping them. In fact, I remember thinking, "why are they out here? Elise is in the hospital fighting for her life, I am racking up hospital bills by the tens of thousands, and I am commuting 4 hours 3-5 times per week. I go to work every day and pay my bills, why can't they do the same?" Many days I even wanted to say, "why don't you get off of the street corner and go to work?" But, I didn't have the guts to say that. Fast forward a couple of years and I am glad that I didn't.
After confronting this issue for several years I can safely say that my view has changed. I have never even been close to being homeless, but experiencing a deathly ill child and a long stint of unemployment certainly helped me to understand how life can slowly begin to spiral out of control until you just aren't able to stop it. We were fortunate to have made some really good financial decisions and even sold our house for a nice profit shortly before Elise became sick. Those are two of the biggest reasons I never even got close to being homeless. If a few things had turned out differently, we may not have been so lucky. If we didn't have such a strong support system we might have cracked and lost it mentally, emotionally, or even physical. Who knows? I'm just glad it didn't happen.
A little over a year ago our church handed out "Free Night Stay" cards for the Kansas City Rescue Mission. This is a well known homeless shelter in the KC metro area. If you encountered homeless people in the Kansas City area you were encouraged to give them the card and we were encouraged to take more if that was something we were comfortable with. I wasn't comfortable taking any more. As a matter of fact I held on to that card for more than 6 months. Late in the fall I was cleaning off my dresser and saw the card sitting there. I decided I was never going to give it away with it sitting on my dresser so I put it in my pocket. It had been quite a while since I had found myself in an area of town with a homeless population but I put it in my wallet anyways. Sure enough, about a week later I was taking Elise to Children's Mercy and came to my "dreaded corner" just as the light turned red. Unlike the many times before, I rolled down my window and talked briefly with the homeless guy at the corner looking for help. I told him I didn't have any money to give him today, but I did have this card for the KC Rescue Mission. The card entitled him to a hot meal, a shower, and a bed to sleep in for the night all at no cost.
In the end, it didn't cost me a thing. Why had I been so reluctant to do this? What basis did I really have for my opinion? The more I thought about it, I really don't know why I was so reluctant. I think it ultimately came down to comfort. I was very uncomfortable relating to someone in such a different place than I am in. I also think a lack of knowledge contributes to my discomfort. I've never given much thought about what a homeless person might need. I just know I don't want to be the guy that contributes to whatever caused them to be homeless. In my mind that was probably drugs or alcohol. But, is it really? How would I ever know what "caused" them to be homeless? We are called to help one another, not judge what is right or wrong in someones life. If I choose to give money to a homeless person and they spend that money on their next drink or drugs, I'm not going to be able to help that. Ultimately, it is not my responsibility to worry about what it is spent on. It is my responsibility to give freely to help a fellow human being. Some days that is easier said than done, but I am coming around.
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34 “Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. 35 For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, 36 I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’ 37 “Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? 38 When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? 39 When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’40 “The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me." - Matthew 25:34-40 (NIV)
Xander and I have had conversations about people we have seen, too, and what we can or cannot do at that particular time. He has also asked about, or flat-out told me to do, other things I know I should be doing, resulting in what I was just thinking about the other morning- 'child shaming': n. a question or presentation of knowledge learned outside the home by a child which, when submitted to a parent, places such guilt on the parent that the parent feels compelled to act
ReplyDeleteDon't get me wrong; this can be a good thing. I don't even like my name for it in the case of your wonderful story. My example is nowhere near so heartwarming. Xander wanted to floss, and I thought he was just stalling his bedtime. He quoted the hygienist from our last check-up, so we both flossed. I've been trying to be better about it ever since and thinking about him every time.